Just a reminder.

Right now is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be again.

  • Be daring.
  • Get drunk.
  • Fall in love.
  • To love yourself.
  • Live your dreams.
  • Go out and have fun.
  • Don’t settle for ordinary.
  • Say what you want to say.
  • Don’t be too scared to jump.
  • Dance like no one is watching.
  • Stop worrying about stupid shit.
  • Go after what makes your happy
  • Be absolutely ridiculous, not boring.
  • Don’t let people who don’t matter, bring you down.

I need to start taking my own advice.

Day 7 of 2022

Now adays everyone is about self-love and acceptance. But I just can’t grasp it. I’m not comfortable in my own skin to love myself. As a Partner with Pure Romance, I try and be as positive as I can but sometimes, I just can’t even put a smile on my face.

I mentioned a lot of physical features that I hate about my appearance. I also have a lot of dark spaces in my mental capacity that could use some love. Since I had kids, my body has not been the same. But I swear, the day I hit thirty, I just felt the difference. And with one kid under my belt, I felt defeated.

Before I gave birth to my first daughter, Avory, I was an average of 155 lbs. Before Avory, there were times when I lived off coffee, Red Bull and hotel breakfast scraps which would settle my weight around 150. Then there would be weeks that I would be able to eat three meals a day, order in, snack all day and consume so much alcohol I didn’t care about a thing which would put me closer to 160. Regardless of what I consumed, my ass was round (tiny but round), my chest was still perky, my stomach was never flat but I didn’t have this mom belly, my skin was normal, my hair wasn’t falling out, my thighs were actually a sexy feature, and I had energy!

In all honesty, I never thought I was even going to have kids. I would hold babies like how Rachel holds Ben in Friends. Out away from my body like I was going to catch something from it 🀣

something like this

After I gave birth to Avory and my body finally settled, I really started to hate my body. I averaged the weight I am now. I’m stuck around this 185. This is what happened last time when I was Weight Watchers. I was stuck in the 180’s for a while. I was still tracking and still running so I never had a significant gain. But once I broke out of 180, it was like the pounds melted off and next thing I knew I was at 160.

But I didn’t start Weight Watchers after Avory. I kind of, sort of became comfortable in the weight I was at, and I always made the excuse that there was never time for me to exercise or take care of myself. It wasn’t until after my second daughter, Emma, that shot me into the 200’s that made me really uncomfortable. I was getting winded just going up and down the stairs. My body finally settled at 217 lbs. I always told myself that I would never allow myself to weigh over 200. Be there I was. Nothing fit. Leggings were uncomfortable. Shoes were too tight. Hoodies! Hoodies were too snug. I hated it more than ever.

So I made the decision I needed to lose the weight and get in shape for Avory and Emma. Not even myself. I stopped taking pictures of myself. I made sure I was never in a picture. If Angel ever got a picture of me, I’d make sure he deleted it. I hated seeing myself. I started Weight Watchers June 1, 2019. I even tracked my points when I was in Puerto Rico for a week! AND I woke up every day and ran! I never ever thought I would do such a thing. But I was just over a month in and went from 217 to 189. The first 20 or so pounds fell off fast.

By the end of October, I was at 160. Just 10 pounds shy of my goal weight 150. It was extremely easy to put the weight back on. And I hated every bite. But I love food. And sweets. And I have two kids that when they don’t finish their chicken nuggets, I would consume them or the ice cream or the candy or the mac and cheese or the pasta.

SO, that is more of my weight loss journey. Now I am at 189 and my goal weight is 150 again. I’m tracking every crumb or drop that I consume. Once I start running again, I know I’ll feel even better. Let’s be more positive with the next post, huh?

We’re Going on a Trip in Our Favorite Rocketship…

Day 6 of 2022

Visit a new place at least once a month.
Take more pictures.

These two goals shouldn’t be hard, just need to actually do them. You know, just like everything else πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

Visit a new place at least once a month.
A new place can be a new city, museum, park, amusement place, aquarium or zoo, farm. Just some place we haven’t been before. I just want to experience something new. Just, adventure. I feel like we have become accustomed to not being able to do anything or go anywhere. Things do seem to be closing and shutting down again (hence the virtual schooling this week) so achieving this goal might be a little different, but no excuses because it won’t be impossible.

Also have to think about the girls. We did so many things and went to many places when Avory was a baby. Things are just, different, with two kids. Alright, let’s be honest here. It is harder with two.

So what are some cool things to do in Jersey…
πŸ–€ Six Flags Hurricane Harbor (I’ve been to Six Flags but never the water park!)
🀍 Liberty State Park
πŸ–€ Grounds for Sculpture (went there to make some connections when I was working in Sales in a hotel but never went to enjoy it)
🀍 Howell Living History Museum
πŸ–€ Duke Farms
🀍 Liberty Science Center! (went for a field trip when I was younger but would love to go now and bring my kids)
πŸ–€ Storybook Land (was this once The Land of Make Believe? πŸ€”)
🀍 Vineyard/Winery or a wine tasting
πŸ–€ Jersey Shore Blue Claws (minor league baseball)
🀍 Nickelodeon Universe – American Dream

These are just some I have on our list. Check out VisitNJ.org for so much more.

I put visiting a new place and taking more pictures together, I feel they kind of go together. Taking pictures needs to become easier for me. I like not having my phone in hand at all times and constantly being on it and checking it. Especially while I’m doing things with the girls. And plus, I just hate being like “wait wait! let me grab my phone!” or “oh wait, have to do another one, that wasn’t a good one!” I’ve been putting my phone down more but now I need to pick it up. But only for pictures.

Getting a little personal. I also don’t like taking many pictures of myself simply because I just hate the way I look. I have always hated my body.
I hate my legs.
I hate my hips.
I hate my arms.
I hate my ankles.
I hate my stomach.
I hate my grey hair.
I hate my face, double chin and cheeks.
I hate my butt (mostly because it’s just flat).

OVIOUSLY, self-love is something I need to work on. Now don’t get me wrong I do love one thing. My hair. Just without the grey. And my face deflates when I lose weight so once I knock off some pounds, I know I’ll be more comfortable to actually be in pictures. I’m just uncomfortable right now with the weight I’m at and not running is really dragging me down. I felt great when I was running! Can’t wait to start again.