You’re overqualified.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this. Not to gloat but I have a decent amount of hospitality experience which many think over qualifies me for certain jobs. When I need a part time job, I’m overqualified. When I don’t want to stress about a whole ass department and the success of an entire property and just want something simple, I’m overqualified.

I was looking for Night Audit position one time, because it was the only thing that I could do with my schedule and Angels schedule. The GM sent me an email by mistake. And as some who hired and interviewed many applicants, I have been on the receiving end of many emails, texts, phone calls basically saying the same thing. This email was supposed to go to his AGM, but he hit reply instead of forward. It read something to the effect of, “Check this one out. She has so much experience but wants Night Audit? Something doesn’t add up.” I replied and explained that with my current situation, Night Aduit was what fit my life at the time. He replied, “That wasn’t supposed to go to you.” NO SHIT. But the conversation between him and his Assistant Manager probably went something like this…
“She has all this experience and wants to work Night Audit?”
“She probably isn’t that good at anything else.”
“Or she got fired.”
“I don’t want to waste my time. Next”

I really don’t want to work in a hotel again but it’s what I know. I have two young kids, I don’t want my life to be my job again. That’s why I left and started selling vibrators. 😜

Why is our world so f*cked up?

This morning I brought my daughter to her bus. It was cold so we took the car and parked at the corner the bus gets her from. There was fog on the inside of the window, so she drew with her little finger some scribble. Then I used the wipers and she thought it was so cool she just had to try.

As her bus approached, most of the kids hopped out of their cars and crowded around to form a line to get on the bus. Every morning I give her a kiss on her head and tell her I love her, have a good day and ‘don’t run the bus isn’t going to leave you!’ As she runs to the bus door. The last thing I want is for her to trip running to the bus. She’s got two left feet sometimes.

As I stood there, a darkness crept up my back and took over my mind. I watched other parents hug and kiss their kids and send them off on the bus to school where we entrust a staff of people to keep our children safe. It hit me like a ton of bricks, what if this is the last time we get to hug them, kiss their little heads or the worst, the last time we get to say goodbye.

My daughter is 5 years old and in kindergarten. The absolute last thing that I should worry about is if someone if going to get into the school and hurt her. I’ve had nightmares that were so painful, I’m tearing up just thinking about all of this. I hate that I have to worry about this. My five-year-old, in this type of danger.

I do give it to her school, the security and procedures to enter the building they have in place does put me at ease… to a point. For all those that have been through this type of horrendous event, I cannot imagine the pain you must feel.

Day 12 of 2022

This was my first week back on Weight Watchers. Not too bad considering I can’t be too active with this damn foot!

I only have 25pp now but before when I was on the Blue program I had 34 points. Potatoes, most fruits and vegetables and chicken are zero points. I try really hard not to go over my daily amount and I try to have all blue dot days.

My first day tracking was Jan.3 because I wanted to start on the day they start the week in the app. So the 3rd was lookin good. Monday is my weigh in day too! I’ve been finding really good recipes on Instagram and I can’t wait to try them all!!

The Most Awkward Meal of All Time

Rebecca, Nick, Miguel, Sally and her husband sit at the table to eat what is honestly the most awkward meal of all time. Rebecca mentions her alzheimer’s and how much time is wasted sweating the small stuff. They start to mention different things they regret wasting their time worrying about.

Nick mentions how much time he spent thinking of Sally. And how he doesn’t regret a second of it. And I couldn’t relate to that more.

iykyk

#10YearChallenge

Left: 2012 Right: 2022

The girl on the left was just a child. Her innocence, adventurous spirit, loving heart, incredible attitude and extreme desire to pursue her career was stolen from her.

I don’t talk about it much, mostly because I feel like sharing my story makes people think they have to feel sorry for me. Or even worse, no one believes me. Actually, I’ve never shared details about the relationship. Until now. I was stuck for 3 years with a mentally manipulative narcissistic ‘recovering’ addict. (Don’t come at me for putting ‘recovering’ because he used when I would try to leave and he was addicted to other things while we were together).

They say it takes an average of 8 attempts before a woman actually leaves the abuse. I finally got out the 8th time. One of those times I filed a restraining order. We were about to go in front of a judge! At this point, I had no friends to call to come with me to keep my head straight. I HATE that I never went through with it.

I had just separated from my husband. About to get a divorce. Then I met him. He had that wild side and sarcastic Jersey attitude I craved. My career was just starting. I had huge goals and such an extreme desire to learn. All I wanted was to flourish in my career in hospitality. My desire got cut short. And holy shit was it hard to get that fire burning again.

Being with a narcissist is not for the weak. They are extremely manipulative and in my case, he was scary good at it. I won’t speak of his addiction to heroin because I didnt know him at that time in his life. BUT I will say, he learned a lot of his manipulation tactics from that time in his life. And so I got stuck with his gambling addiction instead!

He had me believe that my family didn’t love me, my friends didn’t care about me, my coworkers hated me. I was convinced he was the only person that cared about me and loved me. Seems pathetic huh? That’s how good he was. He knew how vulnerable I was and took full advantage.

But oh man, he had THE NASTIEST attitude. He never once put his hands on me. I honestly think because he knew I wouldn’t let him physically abuse me. He was small, I would have kicked his ass. There was a close call one time. I had locked myself in the bathroom. I still don’t know how the door didn’t come down.

I still have screen shots of his threatening text messages, just in case he ever finds me.

How did I know it was the last straw? My grandmother passed away and at the viewing he asked if he could leave and go to the casino (okay okay, he had a gambling addiction). He didn’t like how it felt being there with my family so he wanted to leave. Because you know, they didn’t like him and didn’t approve of him, so they didn’t love me. I gave him money (as I always did when he demanded it) and off he went.

I have stories. So many stories. So much hard earned money gone to his gambling. So many friendships destroyed. So much time lost that I will never get back. Just wasted on him. I was at such an imperative stage in my life, and it was damaged.

If you or anyone you know may be a victim of domestic violence, please do not hesitate to reach out. For anonymous help, go to this website: https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1(800) 799-7233 or text “START” to 88788

Remember, domestic abuse is not just physical. It’s an abusive behavior as part of a pattern of power and control from one partner against another. Including physical, sexual, psychological, and emotional abuse. No one deserves to be abused. It is not your fault. YOU ARE NOT ALONE ❤

Just a reminder.

Right now is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be again.

  • Be daring.
  • Get drunk.
  • Fall in love.
  • To love yourself.
  • Live your dreams.
  • Go out and have fun.
  • Don’t settle for ordinary.
  • Say what you want to say.
  • Don’t be too scared to jump.
  • Dance like no one is watching.
  • Stop worrying about stupid shit.
  • Go after what makes your happy
  • Be absolutely ridiculous, not boring.
  • Don’t let people who don’t matter, bring you down.

I need to start taking my own advice.

Day 7 of 2022

Now adays everyone is about self-love and acceptance. But I just can’t grasp it. I’m not comfortable in my own skin to love myself. As a Partner with Pure Romance, I try and be as positive as I can but sometimes, I just can’t even put a smile on my face.

I mentioned a lot of physical features that I hate about my appearance. I also have a lot of dark spaces in my mental capacity that could use some love. Since I had kids, my body has not been the same. But I swear, the day I hit thirty, I just felt the difference. And with one kid under my belt, I felt defeated.

Before I gave birth to my first daughter, Avory, I was an average of 155 lbs. Before Avory, there were times when I lived off coffee, Red Bull and hotel breakfast scraps which would settle my weight around 150. Then there would be weeks that I would be able to eat three meals a day, order in, snack all day and consume so much alcohol I didn’t care about a thing which would put me closer to 160. Regardless of what I consumed, my ass was round (tiny but round), my chest was still perky, my stomach was never flat but I didn’t have this mom belly, my skin was normal, my hair wasn’t falling out, my thighs were actually a sexy feature, and I had energy!

In all honesty, I never thought I was even going to have kids. I would hold babies like how Rachel holds Ben in Friends. Out away from my body like I was going to catch something from it 🤣

something like this

After I gave birth to Avory and my body finally settled, I really started to hate my body. I averaged the weight I am now. I’m stuck around this 185. This is what happened last time when I was Weight Watchers. I was stuck in the 180’s for a while. I was still tracking and still running so I never had a significant gain. But once I broke out of 180, it was like the pounds melted off and next thing I knew I was at 160.

But I didn’t start Weight Watchers after Avory. I kind of, sort of became comfortable in the weight I was at, and I always made the excuse that there was never time for me to exercise or take care of myself. It wasn’t until after my second daughter, Emma, that shot me into the 200’s that made me really uncomfortable. I was getting winded just going up and down the stairs. My body finally settled at 217 lbs. I always told myself that I would never allow myself to weigh over 200. Be there I was. Nothing fit. Leggings were uncomfortable. Shoes were too tight. Hoodies! Hoodies were too snug. I hated it more than ever.

So I made the decision I needed to lose the weight and get in shape for Avory and Emma. Not even myself. I stopped taking pictures of myself. I made sure I was never in a picture. If Angel ever got a picture of me, I’d make sure he deleted it. I hated seeing myself. I started Weight Watchers June 1, 2019. I even tracked my points when I was in Puerto Rico for a week! AND I woke up every day and ran! I never ever thought I would do such a thing. But I was just over a month in and went from 217 to 189. The first 20 or so pounds fell off fast.

By the end of October, I was at 160. Just 10 pounds shy of my goal weight 150. It was extremely easy to put the weight back on. And I hated every bite. But I love food. And sweets. And I have two kids that when they don’t finish their chicken nuggets, I would consume them or the ice cream or the candy or the mac and cheese or the pasta.

SO, that is more of my weight loss journey. Now I am at 189 and my goal weight is 150 again. I’m tracking every crumb or drop that I consume. Once I start running again, I know I’ll feel even better. Let’s be more positive with the next post, huh?